THE SAILOR WHO FELL FROM GRACE WITH THE SEA
HE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE STRANGE PASSION THAT CATCHES HOLD OF A MAN BY THE SCRUFF OF HIS NECK & TRANSPORTS HIM TO A REALM BEYOND THE FEAR OF DEATH. BUT FAR FROM FINDING WORDS FOR THAT, HE VOLUNTEERED AN ACCOUNT OF THE HARDSHIPS HE HAD KNOWN, & CLUCKED HIS TONGUE.
HIS FATHER, A CIVIL SERVANT, HAD RAISED HIM & HIS SISTER SINGLEHANDED AFTER THEIR MOTHER’S DEATH; THE SICKLY OLD MAN HAD WORKED OVERTIME IN ORDER TO SEND RYUJI TO SCHOOL; DESPITE EVERYTHING, RYUJI HAD GROWN UP INTO A STRONG, HEALTHY MAN; LATE IN THE WAR HIS HOME HAD BEEN DESTROYED IN AN AIR RAID & HIS SISTER HAD DIED OF TYPHUS SHORTLY AFTER; HE HAD GRADUATED FROM THE MERCHANT-MARINE HIGH SCHOOL & WAS JUST STARTING ON HIS CAREER WHEN HIS FATHER DIED TOO; HIS ONLY MEMORIES OF LIFE ON SHORE WERE OF POVERTY & SICKNESS & DEATH, OF ENDLESS DEVASTATION; BY BECOMING A SAILOR, HE HAD DETACHED HIMSELF FROM THE LAND FOREVER... IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE HAD TALKED OF THESE THINGS AT SUCH LENGTH TO A WOMAN.
HE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE SEA— HE MIGHT HAVE SAID SOMETHING LIKE THIS: ‘IT WAS THE SEA THAT MADE ME BEGIN THINKING SECRETLY ABOUT LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE; YOU KNOW, A LOVE WORTH DYING FOR, OR A LOVE THAT CONSUMES YOU. TO A MAN LOCKED UP IN A STEEL SHIP ALL THE TIME, THE SEA IS TOO MUCH LIKE A WOMAN. THINGS LIKE HER LULLS & STORMS, OR HER CAPRICE, OR THE BEAUTY OF HER BREAST REFLECTING THE SETTING SUN, ARE ALL OBVIOUS. MORE THAN THAT, YOU’RE IN A SHIP THAT MOUNTS THE SEA & RIDES HER & YET IS CONSTANTLY DENIED HER. IT’S THE OLD SAW ABOUT MILES & MILES OF LOVELY WATER & YOU CAN’T QUENCH YOUR THIRST. NATURE SURROUNDS A SAILOR WITH ALL THESE ELEMENTS SO LIKE A WOMAN & YET HE IS KEPT AS FAR AS A MAN CAN BE FROM HER WARM, LIVING BODY. THAT’S WHERE THE PROBLEM BEGINS , RIGHT THERE— I’M SURE OF IT.’
BUT HE COULD ONLY MOUTH A FEW LINES OF HIS SONG: NOW THE SEA’S MY HOME, I DECIDED THAT. BUT EVEN I MUST SHED A TEAR... ‘I GUESS THAT’S PRETTY FUNNY. IT’ MY FAVOURITE SONG.’
‘I THINK IT’S A WONDERFUL SONG,’ SHE SAID. BUT SHE WAS ONLY SHIELDING HIS PRIDE, HE KNEW. OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE HAD EVER HEARD THE SONG, THOUGH SHE PRETENDED TO KNOW IT WELL. SHE CAN’T PENETRATE TO THE FEELINGS DEEP DOWN IN A SONG LIKE THIS; OR SEE THROUGH THE MURK OF MY MANHOOD TO THE LONGING THAT SOMETIMES MAKES ME WEEP; FAIR ENOUGH: THEN AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, SHE’S JUST ANOTHER BODY.
YUKIO MISHIMA / ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JAPANESE AS GOGO NO EIKO BY KODANSHA IN 1963 & TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH IN 1965 BY JOHN NATHAN
HIS FATHER, A CIVIL SERVANT, HAD RAISED HIM & HIS SISTER SINGLEHANDED AFTER THEIR MOTHER’S DEATH; THE SICKLY OLD MAN HAD WORKED OVERTIME IN ORDER TO SEND RYUJI TO SCHOOL; DESPITE EVERYTHING, RYUJI HAD GROWN UP INTO A STRONG, HEALTHY MAN; LATE IN THE WAR HIS HOME HAD BEEN DESTROYED IN AN AIR RAID & HIS SISTER HAD DIED OF TYPHUS SHORTLY AFTER; HE HAD GRADUATED FROM THE MERCHANT-MARINE HIGH SCHOOL & WAS JUST STARTING ON HIS CAREER WHEN HIS FATHER DIED TOO; HIS ONLY MEMORIES OF LIFE ON SHORE WERE OF POVERTY & SICKNESS & DEATH, OF ENDLESS DEVASTATION; BY BECOMING A SAILOR, HE HAD DETACHED HIMSELF FROM THE LAND FOREVER... IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE HAD TALKED OF THESE THINGS AT SUCH LENGTH TO A WOMAN.
HE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE SEA— HE MIGHT HAVE SAID SOMETHING LIKE THIS: ‘IT WAS THE SEA THAT MADE ME BEGIN THINKING SECRETLY ABOUT LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE; YOU KNOW, A LOVE WORTH DYING FOR, OR A LOVE THAT CONSUMES YOU. TO A MAN LOCKED UP IN A STEEL SHIP ALL THE TIME, THE SEA IS TOO MUCH LIKE A WOMAN. THINGS LIKE HER LULLS & STORMS, OR HER CAPRICE, OR THE BEAUTY OF HER BREAST REFLECTING THE SETTING SUN, ARE ALL OBVIOUS. MORE THAN THAT, YOU’RE IN A SHIP THAT MOUNTS THE SEA & RIDES HER & YET IS CONSTANTLY DENIED HER. IT’S THE OLD SAW ABOUT MILES & MILES OF LOVELY WATER & YOU CAN’T QUENCH YOUR THIRST. NATURE SURROUNDS A SAILOR WITH ALL THESE ELEMENTS SO LIKE A WOMAN & YET HE IS KEPT AS FAR AS A MAN CAN BE FROM HER WARM, LIVING BODY. THAT’S WHERE THE PROBLEM BEGINS , RIGHT THERE— I’M SURE OF IT.’
BUT HE COULD ONLY MOUTH A FEW LINES OF HIS SONG: NOW THE SEA’S MY HOME, I DECIDED THAT. BUT EVEN I MUST SHED A TEAR... ‘I GUESS THAT’S PRETTY FUNNY. IT’ MY FAVOURITE SONG.’
‘I THINK IT’S A WONDERFUL SONG,’ SHE SAID. BUT SHE WAS ONLY SHIELDING HIS PRIDE, HE KNEW. OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE HAD EVER HEARD THE SONG, THOUGH SHE PRETENDED TO KNOW IT WELL. SHE CAN’T PENETRATE TO THE FEELINGS DEEP DOWN IN A SONG LIKE THIS; OR SEE THROUGH THE MURK OF MY MANHOOD TO THE LONGING THAT SOMETIMES MAKES ME WEEP; FAIR ENOUGH: THEN AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED, SHE’S JUST ANOTHER BODY.
YUKIO MISHIMA / ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JAPANESE AS GOGO NO EIKO BY KODANSHA IN 1963 & TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH IN 1965 BY JOHN NATHAN